So, I've had the "Blah" as Kiersta puts it, for the past week. Suffice to say, it's given me time to contemplate lots of things. Physically, I feel icky, but I've had lots of reading time. Mom gave me Uncle Tom's Cabin for my birthday, and I could not put it down, to my surprise. I never thought I'd really be into a book based on the heavy subject of slavery, though I could definitely have learned more about it. But the book, to me, is more than a exposition of the injustices of slavery; to me, it's a memoir of a man who embodied what Christ taught. Uncle Tom, the namesake of the book, suffered much in his life, but was always loyal and a devout Christian. Through all the hardships he experienced, he never gave in! And, man, he goes through some heart-breaking times in this book. The book taught me that Jesus has purchased us with his blood (yes, that cliche and morbid saying we've all heard... but true!) and that we're his, if we just hang on; Physically, we can lose all, we can be afflicted, tortured, lost, degraded, but nobody has a hold on our Soul, besides Christ. That's it. It's untouchable by those of the physical realm. I like that. I've never been much into fiction, but this book shoes me that fiction can be used, if not better than non-fiction, to illustrate a real-world lesson. I also like that. So, more fiction, please!
After reading the book, I began thinking about how things of the physical world inevitably fail. Whether jobs, relationships, our own bodies, or minds... things fail. When Mom and Dad separated, I tried to be very practical about the matter. One of the things that I was reluctant to leave was our little home. I liked that place, and had spent a good 15 years of my life there. However, I told myself, "It's just foundation and wood, it doesn't matter." Life went on. But over the years, I've had this recurring dream that Mom, Dad, and I are squatting there, whether while the present owner (someone I went to school with!) is at work or on vacation. We sneak in with just the perfect timing and leave the place immaculately untouched as it has been before... I've had about five of these dreams. When I spoke with Dad about his selling his car (which he's had for way too long anyway!) to be replaced with a new one, we both were a little wistful of the matter. It's a freaking car! Why? And I realized that it's because things are mementos. We can ascribe memories, people, feelings to little, superficial things. The items themselves are no more than an item, but the associations we make with these mementos are extremely important to us. I remember when I was about five, Mom and Dad were trading in the White Car (a little Honda we'd had for a couple of years). I remember looking back from the seat of the new Blue Car and sobbing, "Goodbye, White Car!!" I knew how many moments I'd had in that car and how significant they were to me. Things do matter, because the emotional associations we ascribe to those things.
So, what endures? Things will fail us. They'll be gone, shadows of the past which echo in our memories.
I guess the expected answer is God, in all his glorious infinity. Yes, that's true, but that's not where my thoughts lie today.
I believe that the people in our lives endure. If we're blessed enough to meet those wonderful souls who plant a thought, or an experience in our selves which we keep throughout our lives, then those people have endured in our minds, hence the phrase, lasting impression. Those people have given us something that will go beyond their physical presence with us (whether they pass, or get off the bus, or move to another country) the kind word, the relationship, the years, the children, or the home they've given us will persist in our hearts for our short stint on this rock.
True, the house is gone. My parents are no longer together. But I'm blessed with two wonderful Folks who are still around this day. And even if they weren't, they will endure: biologically in me (through DNA, as a friend wisely observed when speaking at her father's service after he'd passed), mentally by their thoughts and teachings and all the lessons they have cultivated in me over the years (though some took a good while to sink in), and spiritually, by showing me examples of their strong faith and introducing me to my Savior. Yes, they'll endure.
As will my wonderful friends. I've graduated and moved out of Marshall, but the people I've met there will go on in my hearts. I've been fortunate enough to have the time this year to spend with old PROWLer's or APO brothers. Others, however, have also moved on to a new stage of life, but they remain in my heart. God has also put new friends in my life since I've started my Americorps term. I've been so lucky to have these amazing people in my life who stay in my heart to the end!
I was on the plane from Iquitos, Peru (2006) to the States when a stranger sat beside me. She was tall, lean, and athletic looking with very short, blond hair. We sat, wordless for a while, and then she leaned over and asked if she could have my fruit. We began a friendly conversation (alternating between Spanish and English) after her question; she was a German college student who had earned a scholarship to travel throughout Peru. She had been to los altiplanos with indigenous peoples, and through the sprawling cities whose chaos which can be understood only by visiting a developing-world-metropolis, and finally, she had made her way through the Amazon jungle. She told me of the wonderful people she had met. I was struck by the positive energy she just radiated! Particularly, she told me of a parasite she had caught in the jungle, evinced by a small mark on her shoulder. She'd had to go to the hospital eventually. "But it was OK", she remarked glibly, "It was like I had a little buddy with me during my travels!" I was awed by her positive spirit. The plane landed after seven hours, we went our ways, and I've never heard from her again. But I'll always carry that conversation with me.
These "observations" are probably obvious to some readers. I guess, I'm more of a math and science, black-and-white person, and understanding people has proven a tricky process for me. What I've come up with is this: I'm convinced that the experiences we have with people in this world are the things we will take with us to our last days. Because of this, it is imperative that we cultivate healthy relationships, and make a good lasting impression on the people we meet. And finally, when we pass through our last days into Eternity, we may be able to resume those precious relationships. :)
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