Prisoner for Christ

For my  morning scripture reading, I checked out Philemon.  It's a short letter from Paul to Philemon: a fellow Christian who's slave, Onesimus, had stolen something and run away (a crime punishable by death according to Roman law).  When I first read through this, I did my usual reading style (checking for useful quotes, lists, facts), but didn't get much out of the passage.

Then, I closed my eyes and imagined.  The letter is to Philemon, encouraging forgiveness and acceptance of Onesimus.  However, I imagined what must of gone on with Onesimus at that pivotal time.  It's sort of like the Les Miserables story.  A man who's had a rough life finally escapes from bondage after stealing, only to be morally convicted to return to bondage!  For me, this passage is about giving up freedom in the name of Christ.  Imagining Onesimus's story shows me that we all are required to be slaves for Christ.  We must give up our freedom to be Free in the Lord.


Onesimus probably remembered that fateful day that he decided to make a break for it.  He was tired of having someone else call the shots. He'd like to have his own family some day-- to settle down with a pretty girl from his hometown and have a child or two. For many long years he'd worked and toiled for this master, just to maintain the status quo.  Never to move forward.  His master was a decent guy, and in fact, since he converted to Christianity and started hanging out with that Paul guy, he's a changed man.  He'd been treating Onesimus better than ever.

But still!  He couldn't stand it.  He couldn't breathe!  The pressure of freedom squeezed his very bones!

It was time.  Onesimus grabbed some of the Master's food for the road, and some of the wife's jewelry to trade along the way.  This wouldn't break them.  They'd make it through fine and everyone would be happier.

And life passed.

And Onesimus enjoyed the quenching splendor of being his own man!  He had options.  He had ideas.  He'd always been inventive and had a proclivity for being outside, especially in the farm.  Perhaps he'd start his own small farm, as his grandparents had done...

Then things changed.  That Paul burst into the life of Onesimus.  Paul was like no other man he'd ever known.  Even when a slave, Onesimus had always felt respect and kindness from that man.   And now he was in prison!  How?  This singular man who had touched Onesimus years ago- in prison?  It was that inevitable decision to visit the man that would change all of Onesimus's plans.


Paul taught Onesimus about a fellow named Jesus Christ.  Who in the same way had changed Paul's own life forever.  He his own miraculous story of the time when he was blinded on the road.  This man used to be a murderer of Christians?  What a change!


Paul and Onesimus forged a friendship over the months.  Onesimus would visit Paul in the prison on a regular basis and could feel his heart changing with each passing conversation.  He also knew that his presence was feeding Paul.  And he finally felt that he had a significant role in things.  He would help this imprisoned man spread the wonderful gospel of Christ!  His heart was beaming and he couldn't wait!


And the there came that conversation.  Onesimus had come in to discuss some new people he'd met who were interested in the Gospel, but seeing Paul's expression stopped that.  Paul explained he hadn't slept well the past week because of the pounding conviction in his heart.  He'd prayed.  He'd bargained.  He'd try to reason with God, but the answer was always the same: Onesimus must return to Philemon. 


Shocked and hurt, Onesimus didn't know what to say.  He bid farewell, and prayed for a three days on the matter.  He read old letters from Paul for encouragement.  But after asking for God's wisdom, that heartbreaking answer came back.  Return.

Onesimus was afraid of how his masters would treat him.  And he was dismayed that God could shed all those plans he'd made for him and cast him back into slavery.  But his heart knew what God wanted, and he could not argue with his spirit, so he returned to Paul, and watched as each painful letter formed on the parchment that would be requesting his master's forgiveness.  

And that was it.  Onesimus packed his bags and said goodbye to his Paul, not knowing if he would ever see that dear friend again.  And he gave up his freedom and dreams to return to his masters.


He thought along the trip home.  How can slavery ever be fit for the service of Christ?  The he recalled a letter Paul had addressed where he called himself a slave of Christ.  This man who was undoubtedly changing lives in the name of the Lord was a slave and prisoner in the name of Jesus Christ! If that was Christ's call for Onesimus, then that is where he would go.


He braced himself as he opened the old familiar door of Philemon's home.  And he was met with warmth, tears, and the presence of Jesus's abounding love.

Strange Dreams

I've been having some strange dreams lately.  In Costa Rica, I had one where I told off Hugh Hefner because he was basically a chauvinist pig. In another dream, Dad passed away, and I woke up with tears streaming from my eyes. There were a few other, off-the-wall, completely random ones as well, but I can't recall right now in my post-nap haze.

Some of the dreams are strange, and others are so emotionally vivid.  During today's nap, I dreamed that my Uncle Mike passed away.  Gammy's friend, Vanda, called and told her, and we were all sad!  Maybe this comes from the passing of Roger in January.  I still feel so sad about that, and Kiersta and the boys are presented with many new challenges... we miss him.

In another dream from my nap, it must have been several years into the future, because Fayetteville had several new stores.  I remember walking into Mom's studio to pick up something, and I guess she was in the process of moving out and away... the room was filled with just space, except for a lamp or occasional box or two.  No JR hair; it was immaculately clean and lonely!  I wasn't shocked or anything; in the dream, I'd known that Mom was moving out and I was probably trying to help.  I called her and she and Grandaddy (my 84-year-old Grandfather) were up at the playground on the swings.  They were laughing and having so much fun.  I asked if she'd like a chocolate smoothie and if I should buy a sugar free one for Grandaddy.  Hearing me, he shouted: "Oh, no, Laurel!  I'll be perfectly fine."  And Mom told me of three different places to get smoothies.  Before I hung up, Grandaddy said, "Oh, Wendy is so much fun! This girl has such a sense of humor!" (And of course all of this was said in his awesomely thick Dutch accent).  

And that was it. I woke up not sad, but wistful.  Wistful because the few strands of what  knew were beginning to dissolve away into the past... Only the future lay ahead.

And when I look back over this writing, I'm seeing that it seems the common denominator for these dreams is Change.  Yeah, that.  I've had a lot of change in my life these last two years, and the divorce represents a huge blast into my trajectory and those around me.  I've not given it much conscious thought, because I don't see any profit in it.  So, I guess it leaks out through my dreams.  The truth is, I miss what I knew.  I miss having a whole family and a cute little home on the hill.  But it is what it is, and I didn't write to complain.

Another thing this dream illustrates is that always-losing battle of clinging desperately to the past.  The only thing we get is nostalgia.  We must be ok with change and we must move on in order for God to work in our lives.  In Costa Rica, one of the pastors who spoke to us mentioned a strong tradition of immigration in the Bible, and how each of those newcomers brought a new, crucial element to their community.  Whether immigrating to a new place, or simply a new phase of life, we must face it willing to bring something new along, and to make that place (or phase) better.  We must! ... Or we sink in nostalgia.

I really like "Man In the Mirror" for that reason.  Change is a good thing in this song. He's actually asking for it!

"No message could have been any clearer: if you wanna make the world a better place, you better look at yourself and make a change."  

Sing it, Michael!