Self-Denial

I was reading my morning devotional and came across this statement by Elisabeth Elliot:  "A Christian home should be a place of peace, and there can be no peace where there is no self-denial."  

Wow.

Further religions discuss the idea of self-denial:

He who has no thought of "I" and "mine" whatever towards his mind and
body, he who grieves not for that which he has not, he is, indeed, called
a bhikkhu [fully-ordinated monks on the way to Nirvana].   Buddhism.  Dhammapada 367

In Islam, an entire month of the year is dedicated to self-denial, as Muslims fast

through Ramadan in honor of Allah.

The Bible constantly teaches that, the first shall be last and the last shall be first.   

Self denial?  I'm beginning to think about the ways I've denied self, and where that's led me.  Recently, even as late as last night and 6AM this morning, I put that into practice.  I had worked a full day at PAN, and had come home to relax a while (which wasn't self-denial, and reminds me that God always allows us to choose breathing space).  Then, I got up, washed the dishes, and went down to DIOGI's to work an Ugly Christmas Sweater Party.  I was tired and would much rather have been sleeping at 1 AM, instead of sitting beside a speaker where the bass was so loud, I could feel it in my throat.  But... This was a way for me to help out DIOGI's and make some extra, much-needed money (which I'm not so sure is self-denial if you're getting something out of it).  But, I denied my primary wishes to make something else happen.  

And this morning, after returning at 1:30, I awoke at 6 AM, because I'm tired of being out of shape and want to start exercising again.  Now, I would love to be getting in a few extra hours of sleep, but, I'm out of shape!  I need the exercise!  Again, I'm not sure this is completely self-denial....maybe it's more so discipline, but whatever it is, I'm going against what my body would like!  That's for sure!

And I think each time I go to work at DIOGI's when I could be reading, running, visiting with friends, painting my nails, etc.  Is in some fashion, self-denial, but it's also something that benefits me in the long run.

Perhaps that's what God means when he encourages self-denial.  That, at first, we don't want to do it!  We want to satisfy our more primal, personal instincts.  But, if we can push through, with His grace, we come out in the long-run grateful that we did it.  

Part of me feels that self-denial has been the story of my college career.  But I'm also no poster-child for the concept.  I've always had a weak-spot for food, as certain people have a tendency to drink (though not necessarily alcoholic; the only time I drink is for practical purposes, like helping me feel at ease in a social situation.  Otherwise, I'm not particularly drawn to alcohol).  But food, however, is a different story.  Ever since I was little, one of my favorite songs we'd sing in Kindergarten was "Peanut Butter and Jelly."  Granted, the song was a blast:  we had all these motions to grinding up the peanuts, and stomping the grapes... but always, in the back of my mind, I pictured that yummy, yummy sandwich!  At Bible school, my favorite times were snack time!  And I'm no athlete, like my brother!  I have a distinct memory of playing soccer when I was younger and pretending that my shoe was untied when I was tired, resulting in a little girl running up and down the field and about every 20 ft. bending over to "tie her shoe", while the rest of the crowd (including her own team!) ran down the field in intense pursuit of the ball.  I never liked exercise, but Food and I, we're good pals.

So, I guess where I'm going with this is-- keeping in shape will always involve self-denial for me.  If I let the true Self run wild and have its desires, I'd be overweight and unhealthy.  But (and yes, this is bragging!), I managed to get in just enough shape to run a marathon last April, but trust me, it involved a lot of self-denial (until the last part when I was running around 40 miles a week; I could eat pretty much anything I wanted!)  During the training, the self-denial was difficult, but well-worth it.  I cherish that experience.  

Those things are superficial, material.  Imagine the reward in denying ourselves in fulfillment of God's will! ... Well, I can't!  'Cause I've never really done it.  

So, I guess I'm going to work on that.  Denying myself of judgmental thoughts, of cynical humor, of taking for me, rather than giving for someone else.  Denying myself of those old, selfish, ways. 

This is going to be a looooonnnnnng road....  But every journey starts with picking up the foot, placing it on the ground ahead, and repeating.